Tune Tuesday: Blessed be your name by Matt Redman 

I’ve had this song on repeat this week during my devotional time. My current composition is by Wade McNutt and is from the album Christian Piano Meditation Vol. 2. It has a lot of pauses and is an emotional piece for me even though I’ve listened to it many times in the last 30 days. 

But today I wanted to share these emotions with all of you. Yesterday was the 4th anniversary of my Mother-in-Law’s abrupt and unexpected passing. The ache doesn’t go away for my sister-in-law and my husband who loved their mother dearly. I was also close to her, having known her son since I was nineteen years old and bringing her very first grandchild into the world a few years later. She was a special lady and left her mark on all of us as well as her community through her service in the nursery at church and the hospice care (her true calling in life). 

I remember how it felt leading up to the day she died. We didn’t know what our next steps would be for her care, what she would need upon getting out of the hospital and how that would change all of our relationships with her becoming her caregiver. She was a loveable stubborn and we were unsure if she would listen to our guidance, agree with our choices in her care, or request something unaffordable and out of reach for all of us to provide for her. We were stressed out, none of us were eating well, we cried. 

We knew we had to be strong for three little kiddos at the time (my son & two nephews) and since it was July, we took them to a splash pad. There was laughter in our tears…we were heartbroken that Mom was sitting in the hospital missing the very thing she loved–watching her grandsons play, but we knew our kids needed their parents, too. 

Every blessing you pour out, I’ll turn back to praise. When the darkeness closes in, Lord Still I will say

Blessed be the name of the Lord 

Blessed be Your name 

Blessed be the name of the Lord 

Blessed be your glorious name

Mom didn’t recover. She didn’t come home with us or go to a care facility. She slipped away to her glorious home in heaven. There she was issued a body that functioned better than her earthly one ever did. Where her sufferring ended, our suffering began. We missed her. We didn’t understand why things happened the way they did. We questioned if we could have done something differently to save her or prolong her life. We now weren’t planning for extended care, we were planning for her eternal care. A funeral service, a cremation, placement of her ashes afterwards. A different story was being written. And it wasn’t beautiful. It was messy and scary and dark. 
Blessed be Your name

On the road marked with sufferring 

Though there’s pain in the offerring 

Blessed be Your name 
Four years later and two beautiful grandbabies later (my nephew and first neice), we are starting to see some sunshine in our shadows. All our kids see their parents smile and see their parents getting healthy mentally and physically. We love them fiercly because Nana isn’t here to lavish all her love on them. We remind them of how much she loved or would have loved them, the things she liked to do with them and adventures they had. We flip through pictures of when my Mother-in-Law was younger and looked a lot like my sister-in-law. Her son, my husband, also shares her knack for getting “lost” in the grocery story when moments before we were all together. We’ve given that talent her name. 

God you give and take away

Oh you give and take away

But my heart will choose to say 

Lord, blessed be Your name 

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