Vulnerability

To love at all is to be vulnerable. C.S. Lewis

In two months, I’ll officially be 17 years married. We were married young and there were many things that others viewed in our lives as being vulnerable simply because of our youth—to naivety, to financial difficulties, to divorce.

As in most marriages, there are challenges to overcome and support each other through. The vows at the altar remind us of this, but most brides and grooms are focused solely on the cake and champagne, living in the glow of the moment where she looks dazzling and he looks dapper. Then life hits: you get sick, you have a colicky baby, you miss a bill payment or lose a job. The stream of catastrophies and concerns are endless, but isn’t our love supply tank to be endless as well?

Let me tell you, that an endless supply in your love tank is only possible if you take a moment to refuel your own spiritual wellbeing, taking mental and emotional breaks to bring wholeness back to your own countenance. This isn’t to say that you should become focused solely on your own pursuits, but it means that you also shouldn’t lose yourself into the other person so far that you forget what makes the two of you work, the complimentary behaviors, quirks, and personalities.

Remember what you loved about your spouse when you first met. Think back to what made or still makes you laugh. What would you change about your spouse? OK, but why is that same thing also something you’d miss if it were truly gone? Is there an upside to this particular trait? For example, if your spouse likes to spend money on extravagant gifts, but you are more frugal how do those personalities compliment each other? You can be blessed by a very special memory of an extravagant gift, but you can also get through difficult times financially by understanding how to be more frugal.

Don’t for a second forget that difficut roads often lead to beautiful destinations. For our five year anniversary, we left our two year old at home with his Grandmother and we jetted off to Maui. Now Maui is a beautiful island, great for exploring and adventures. Parts of the island are beachy, others are mountainous. We set off on the road to Hana one day to explore the more tropical side of the island as well of some of the off the beaten path beaches. We got to the Garden of Eden (a place where parts of Jurassic Park were filmed) and then we had a choice: 1. Continue on around the island (albeit through rough terrain) 2. turn around and go back the way we’d come.

Being the adventurous type, we didnt’ want to go back the same way and revisit the scenery twice, we wanted to see something new. However, the road we embarked upon was nearly falling into the ocean as we drove. The turns were sharp S curves and the roads very narrow and quite harrowing for both of us as we traversed them. We further rounded the bends away from the ocean and came upon cattle in the middle of the road and mostly rolling hills of farmland. It was a unique side to Maui that we’d not have gotten to see that day if we hadn’t taken the rough patches of road. I encourage you to keep pressing on when things look a little bit “hairy” and you really want to turn around. But as the adage says “Don’t look back. You’re not going that way.”

Spend some time this week sparking joy in your marriage, in your friendships, and revitalizing your relationships. The investment and vulnerability will be well worth it.